friday felicitations #44

summer's arrival

Happy Friday!

We're emerging from the coolest, rainiest May I recall since moving to Boston, straight into summer. Yesterday I realized I was actually hot and discovered temperatures had soared into the 80s. My attic apartment reminded me, as it does every summer, that heat does indeed rise. Izzy and Maisie are starting to loll.

But I hauled my trusty window fans out of storage last night, and they're doing an admirable job of keeping the apartment pleasant. And even though hot weather isn't my favorite, I'm glad it's warmed up for the sake of my mom and dad, who are coming next week to visit and are accustomed to their balmy Hawaiian climate.

Anyhow, it seems only right that Memorial Day Weekend be warm. Hope your weekend is wonderful!


(refreshing photo by joey armstrong, on Flickr)

humbled, sad

emily

This past Sunday, I took Emily back to the shelter. It was a terribly hard decision, made after much thought and discussion with one of the shelter staff.

Once Emily overcame her initial fear, she proved to be a high-energy and territorial kitty. She was constantly aggressive toward Maisie, and their interactions became increasingly scary, enough that I worried they might do true harm to one another. (In retrospect, I think Emily was cozy with other kitties at the shelter only because she had grown up with them.)

Because she and Maisie weren't getting along, I kept Emily mostly confined to the living room, and she hated it. She complained stridently, and when I did set her free in the apartment, she dashed about wildly, frequently walloping Maisie. Maisie started fighting back and even occasionally striking first, displaying a side of her personality I'd never seen before. (I've come to realize that Maisie is like a peaceful, neutral country that reluctantly but resolutely musters impressive defenses when left with no alternative.)

Experts caution that it can take weeks to months for a new cat to integrate with others, but I began to despair as the violence between them escalated. And we were in the unusual situation of the new cat trying to dominate the resident cat, not the more common inverse. Emily showed no signs of yielding in her efforts to make the whole apartment hers. Poor Maisie began to look hunted and uneasy, periodically looking over her shoulder.

Emily also became mildly aggressive toward me. A manifestation of her apparent territoriality was that she became quite upset when I handled her food and water bowls, bed, or litter box. She never caused a serious injury, but it made caring for her more challenging.

No one was happy. I became increasingly convinced that Emily needs a one-cat home, or at least a much larger one in which she can comfortably claim a good-sized space. The shelter staff person I consulted, who was wonderful, noted that "even with the best intentions, sometimes things aren't a good fit." She reassured me that Emily has a good chance of finding a new home and explained that the shelter staff can best evaluate potential placements and ensure that Emily ends up with a caring family who will be able to work with her.

But there are no guarantees, and I feel that I failed Emily. She is, of course, not to blame for her behavior; I suspect her issues stem from her difficult past. I arrogantly thought upon meeting her that I could gauge her temperament (I was so wrong!) and that even if she and Maisie didn't hit it off at first, I could make things work. One lesson I've taken away from this experience is that it's impossible to judge the actual personality of an animal who is timid and scared during initial interactions.

I've been feeling guilty and sad, mourning the death of my hope upon adopting Emily and missing Emily herself, who could be affectionate and sweet and seemed to enjoy being with people. I've also been feeling relieved to have peace restored at home and then feeling even more guilty about being relieved.

Maisie is back to her relaxed, happy self, however, and while she may get lonely at times, I'm certain she prefers her current state to being constantly on guard. I do feel I made the best decision for Emily, and for Maisie, and for me.* I wish I'd been wiser in the first place.


*And for Isabel, too. I knew better than to introduce Izzy to Emily, but because Emily and Maisie didn't get along and needed to be kept separate, Izzy had hardly any opportunity to take a turn having the run of the apartment while Emily was here. That Izzy gets along with no other cat made bringing a third one into my one-bedroom apartment a particularly risky and foolish move.

no one ever knows

This poem grabbed me today. It is despairing and yet so tender and compassionate, all at the same time.


Rule One
Phillip Booth

Rule One of all
rules one:
                 No one ever knows
how much another hurts.
                                                 You.
Kate. Ray. Randall. Me.
                                                  The nurses
who were kind to you, the gaspump kid
across the bridge, the waitress here
this noon.
                    No one ever knows.
Or maybe in a thousand, one
has the toughness to,
                                           to care,
to give beyond a selfish pity. Even
any given day,
                              given weathers, detours,
chances of what look like luck,
if we feel bad
                               we refuse the givens.
What blighted lives we lead.
                                               Or follow:
showering, feeding, changing shirts or
pants, working, as one used to say,
to make ourselves presentable.
                                                           Partial
strangers to our painful selves,
we’re still stranger to
diminished friends
when they appear
to hurt.
                 How much we fail them,
failing to come close:
                                           a parent,
newly single, in Seattle;
an upstate poet in intensive care.
You. Blanche. Alvin. Sue.
                                             Who hurts
and why.
                     Why we guess we know.
How much we never.

From The Writer’s Almanac.

(photo by mccoryjames, on Flickr)

friday felicitations #43

another week gone by?!

Happy Friday!

My mom's school is holding its May Fest today, and this photo shows the stage being prepared. Pretty amazing, huh? You can tell you're in Hawaii when the set for your grade school show looks like this. Or when rehearsals consist of "hula practice and more hula practice," as she reported in an email.

The week sped by quickly, in part because helping Emily to get settled has not been without challenges. I'd forgotten what it can be like to have a new pet. I adopted Izzy nearly 12 years ago, and Maisie was and is so easy (other than her constant hunger and the attendant need to secure all food). Let me just say, I am even more in awe of my friends who are managing the far more daunting feat of parenting new babies (that includes you, Grace and Courtney!).

(photo by my mom)

friday felicitations #42

woohoo! (yawn) woohoo!

Happy Friday!

This week has been one of extremes, swinging between excitement and tedium. The excitement, of course, was deciding to adopt Emily and bringing her home. The tedium was a very long, very dull but very necessary project we had to do at work, which we finally finished yesterday, thank heavens.

Emily's doing well. She's still mostly staying in enclosed spots - in the cat tent, behind or under furniture - but tonight she wandered around in the open (of the living room) a little and asked to be petted. This was after she ate and I brushed her coat, both experiences that I think helped her relax and decide maybe this is not such a perilous place.

The weather here is warming gradually, with chilly days still interspersed with the warmer ones. I love it. I was reminded by my five-year diary that around this time last year, our temperatures were reaching the mid-80s and we had to boil water due to a compromise in the city's supply. This light coat weather is ever so much nicer.


(pretty photo by kansairetro, on Flickr)

introducing emily!

about whom the (arguably) somewhat crazy decision was made

This is Emily Adelyn Nakamura, Izzy's and Maisie's new sister! She just came home today.

I met her a couple of weeks ago at the animal shelter. She's a dainty, five-and-a-half-pound seal point snowshoe Himalayan mix and was one of several animals brought to the MSPCA from an exotic cat hoarding case. Fortunately, she seems to have come through her ordeal well and was nurtured back to good health by the shelter staff and veterinary team.

I've encountered lots of endearing cats while volunteering, but Emily's the first one since Maisie about whom the thought popped into my head, Maybe I should adopt her. And as you may remember, it was Maisie who found me and not the other way around, and my mom who planted the idea of taking her home.

I've never been into fancy cats or dreamed I'd ever adopt one, but I thought from the start that Emily is simply beautiful. I came to appreciate that while timid with new people, she's gentle but spunky. She seems to adore being with other kitties: she's been living in one of the "colony rooms," rooms outfitted with built-in cat walks, screened-in patios, and space for several cats to coexist happily, and I've repeatedly discovered her snuggled in a box or bed with another kitty. These qualities made me think she'd likely be a good companion for Maisie, whom I worry gets lonely sometimes (given that Izzy and she are decidedly not friends).

Once the adoption idea came to me, maybe two days ago, it wouldn't go away, and I found myself mentally scripting conversations in which I persuaded my landlady, Maria, to let me adopt a third cat. Finally, I concluded that perhaps I should start listening to the voices in my head, and I went back to visit Emily yesterday morning before work. I decided to go for it.

A sweet staff member had me fill out the adoption form and agreed to hold Emily until five o'clock. Nervous and excited, I called Maria a few hours later and explained the situation . . . and she said yes! She thought briefly about checking with her dad (who is the official owner of my apartment) but then declared that she'd make the call and saw no problem with it. She noted that I seem to take very good care of Izzy and Maisie and that they'd never caused any problems. And she mentioned that some relative - an aunt? - used to have 15(!) cats, and another has four or five, and I realized that by comparison, three probably didn't even seem so extreme. Also in my favor was the fact that Maria herself loves cats.

I went back to the shelter yesterday afternoon to finish the adoption process, and after her spay surgery this morning, Emily came home this afternoon. I lined the cat tent with a soft blanket for her, anticipating that she'd want an enclosed place to hang out at first, and she dove in and remained inside for the first hour or so. Since then, however, she's been cautiously exploring and has eaten dinner and used her litter box.

When Maisie discovered her, I could practically read her thoughts: OMG! There's another cat in the living room! And it's not that hostile gray tabby girl who's always out to get me.

Maisie approached her tentatively from beneath the arm chair and slowly, slowly inched forward to peer inside the tent, then slowly, slowly retreated, creeping backward. She's repeated this sequence periodically during the evening as if to double-check that yes, there really is a new cat in the apartment.

She and Emily are understandably wary of each other. Emily has uttered a few soft warning growls. Maisie, for the first time I've ever witnessed, actually hissed once, but it was a Maisie version of a hiss, at a distance, so soft it was barely audible, and lasting maybe half a second. Given that Maisie is laidback and inquisitive, and that Emily seems to love other kitties once she knows them, I'm pretty optimistic that ultimately they will get along and hopefully even enjoy each other's company.

As for Izzy . . . I'm planning to keep her from coming face-to-face with Emily for as long as possible! I'm certain each would be terrified of the other. Isabel's already aware that something's going on, of course, but so far doesn't seem too concerned.

I know my friend, Daisy, will proclaim that I've crossed the line of cat owner sanity, which she says falls between two and three cats. Probably, others agree. But I'm too delighted with Emily to mind too much, and doubt my crazy cat person status was much in doubt, anyhow!


(first two photos from Emily's Petfinder profile)

decision

with a teaser

I made an (arguably) somewhat crazy decision over the past 24 hours. But I have a good feeling about it. More details to follow tomorrow.

In the meantime, a little hint.